Once Upon a Time

I think I’ve finally recovered to about 75% since the convention this past weekend. Every year I find that more people I know go to conventions. Ever since we met a big group of people at a CNAnime 2 years ago, we’ve been getting more and more involved in these conventions and having more fun (cause more people = more fun!) This year, I found out that one of the ex-thesis students and a grad student went to the convention. It was weird because I would have never guessed that they were into anime.

The weekend itself is a little blurry due to the lack of sleep so it might be a bit rough in terms of jumping around in timeline. Friday. I met girl L that I found to be extremely annoying. It was just the way that she tried to act cute, but it was all wrong and whiney. It’s alright to act like that sometimes when you’re around a boyfriend, but to do it to every single person? She also didn’t know when no meant no. No, we don’t want to go all the way up to our room to retrieve your shit even though you don’t live there. Anyways, she left a bouquet of flowers made of ribbon in our room. Since her boyfriend had not arrived yet, I can only assume that she made it. That and..I just can’t see any guy making flowers out of ribbons for his girl. So she called and asks us to bring down the flowers. I volunteered cause everyone else was so tired. I go to the lobby where she said she’d be and I walked around for 5-10 minutes and still can’t find her. I go back upstairs pretty pissed, but while on the elevator, a guy told me that he hoped that someone had given those flowers to me and that I looked good with them. I’m sure that guy was only trying to be nice but it made me feel pretty good. It was very sweet of him to say that. ^_^ 

Saturday. I went in costume and a handful of people asked for our pictures. The attention felt really nice. I look at the pictures now and it’s like “ewwwwwwwww” but it was fun while it lasted. It’s a little uncomfortable when we’re around this one guy. He has this strange way of acting around the girls he’s attracted to. So he used to like this friend…but she’s been dating my other friend now..and it’s like…dude, stay away from her. Like FAR away. It’s just uncomfortable with him around knowing he used to like her. So I try to arrange ourselves such that he stands and sits far away from her. It’s almost amusing if you know what you’re looking at.

Nothing happened on Sunday except for the post-convention hang out. At first I didn’t want to go because it would mean I would go home late (and I had to work the next day). In the end, I did go and I’m glad I went. I didn’t do much but it was fun. 

I think the thing that I really wished I did was get to meet more random people. I would love to talk to random people and hopefully become friends.

I bumped into a friend today at the student center during lunch. It was hilarious how she was so happy that I get to meet the boy soon (in 9 days). She was more excited than I was! *shakes head* Her happiness is a bit contagious.

It’s Sunday evening of Victoria Day long weekend which means that I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Since I’m not at my parent’s house, I can spend the day however I wish. I think it’ll mean that I’ll just laze around my room, something I’ve missed dearly over the past few weeks.

A lot has happened over the past three days. Nothing life changing but it’s just different from my normal routine. Friday after work, I went to Toronto to visit friends and help out with our costumes. Well, the past three days has consisted most of tracing out patterns, cutting out patterns, ironing pleats and removing stitches. I don’t know how to use the sewing machine and painting is not my forte so I can’t really help out much. I don’t mind doing simple tasks, though I really worry about my lack of accuracy and its consequences. Think about it. Cutting out a pattern for let’s say a front panel and back pane, you have to have a certain degree of accuracy or else the two panels won’t align properly.

Last night, there were a total of 4 people working on various parts to our costumes and it was amazing. The interaction between everyone and it was just a very happy atmosphere (mostly because we are somewhat close to completion). I find it unfair that people want to cosplay, but can’t help out to do their part. Like doing a group project where an individual just writes his/her name in the end without having to do any work. I can’t be there to help very often, but I am there and help out as much as I can. The things I do don’t really require a lot of skill, but I still put in the hours.

Whatever. Saturday afternoon, we were walking around Queen St. in downtown Toronto. People are so well dressed! It made me feel so…ugh in my polo shirt and jeans. Looking at myself in the shop windows made myself cringe. *sighs* I saw a really pretty gothic-styled dress. Of course, it was 10 sizes too small. There are some really pretty skirts in the goth shops, but I doubt they’d have anything my size.

Shopping for clothing for myself makes me depressed. The stuff I like never fits me. Shoes. Tops. Pants. Skirts. I guess that’s the way society’s telling me to lose some weight. It’s true -_-; I’ve gained a lot of weight since I’ve been in university (enough to have to up a clothing size). *sighs*

We’ll see about working on that this summer, I guess. I have no problems with changing my eating habits. It’s just the exercise that I dread. I walk to work and back home. That’s only an hour of walking a day. It’s not enough. I hate this topic. Hate it. Why am I talking about it? I don’t know. Ugh.

Regardless. Sleeping in a foreign bed doesn’t do it for me so I was exhausted by this afternoon. I needed a hot shower in a clean bathroom. So I went home and I’ve been snacking and relaxing. My brain is in a bit of a mess right now.  *laughs*

Man, this is going to be garbled and not make logical sense. Oh wells. I went to the mall on Friday and got myself some lipstick! The lady at the counter was very very nice and didn’t mind how clueless I was in terms of make up. Last night, we went to a Japanese restaurant and I had an amazing meal. There was so much food in the set course that I couldn’t eat it all! First there was an appetizer of miso soup and salmon and cucumber maki. Then the main course was a bento box full of goodies. There were 6-7 pieces of tempura (ranging from shrimp to broccoli), a lettuce salad, chicken teriyaki and rice. As a mini dessert, there were 2 slices of orange. (Oh yeah, oranges are SO in season right now. They’re all sweet and just very yummy.) I managed to finish off everything except the chicken teriyaki and rice. But all that food for about $8! That is a deal if I ever saw one! Maybe next time I’ll try the salmon teriyaki.

Going to that restaurant has made me want to dig up my oyako donburi (it’s a chicken and egg dish over rice) recipe and make it again! ^_^

A cup of coffee because it’s bitter. I am too.

My life has been quite pointless lately. Work takes up most of my day. By the time I finish work, it’s too late to do much and I have no energy to do anything else either. Wake up. Go to work. Work for 7 hours. Come home. Spend a few hours doing nothing. Sleep. I like this schedule more than school. It’s less stressful. Just boring.

Regardless, I still feel stress. My mother keeps reminding me constantly to take my driving test. The more she reminds me, the less I want to do it. Even though, I clearly told her that I would get the full license by the time I finish university. She still nags at me non-stop and her nagging keeps echoing in the back of my mind so much that every single time I get a moment of silence, I hear her nagging at me again.

I’m undecided in how I want to deal with my mother from now on. I’m torn between tolerance and revealing how I really feel. Honest, I don’t think I can compromise. Right now, I’m leaning towards showing how I really feel even if it is being rude. I feel quite strongly that her ways are wrong and I blame her for me being who I am right now mostly because she has been the strongest influence in my life.

They notice the anti-social tendencies that I have, but they don’t take action. It makes me wonder if they ever noticed how depressed I am. Heh. I guess I learned from the best how to make the rest of the world believe that your life is perfect even when it’s in crumbles.

7:18pm. I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep through the night. My bed calls for me.

Isn’t it retarded how something as simple as a driving test can bother me so much?

“you sound a little addicted to his company sometimes”

That is what my friend from high school told me today. She’s been posting on live journal posts about her and her boy lately. So I’ve been keeping up and commenting and stuffs. Then she somehow switched the conversation to me and learning about my boy (She’s actually the first person to ask “who is ‘the boy ’?”) I guess I never explicitly stated anything on livejournal. The only people who really know anything about him have been told personally and I can count them on two hands.

My instinct tells me that the statement my friend made is very true. It is an addiction and I can never get enough of it. Kind of like anime, only worse cause there are more emotions involved. To put things into perspective, before he moved back to his hometown, we pretty much talked every night for 3-5 hours even through tests, exams and final projects. That’s…a lot of talking. The second thought is that the reason why I’m so addicted to his company is because he gives me lots of attention when we talk.

I’m not sure whether it’s supposed to be a bad thing or a good thing.

Addictions are usually not a good thing because too much of anything is not good for you. I understand that this obsession is not healthy for me. As a direct result, I go through lots of ups and downs emotionally with his absence/presence. I believe that those ups and downs indirectly put pressure on the boy to be around me (so it's not great for him either).

Even so, I feel much happier than I have ever been in my life. Over the past few months where we started talking pretty intensely, I think I’ve changed so much (for the better, of course). I have a long way to go, but my mindset is different than before.

I believe that this strong fascination with another person is one of the factors that drive a relationship (at least in the beginning), don’t you think? If you’re not interested in someone, then you would have no desire to talk to that person. Conversely, if you’re interested in someone, wouldn’t you want to know everything about that someone?

Final thought, I wonder why my friend actually said that statement. She's been staying over at her boy's place for the past few days. They seem to be spending a lot of time together. Doesn't she ever go through the same emotions? I just don't see how it's different except I whine and complain to everyone around me when I don't get to talk to the boy. I guess our circumstances are different and maybe that's the reason?

I guess my question is whether you think this “little addiction” is a good thing or not and whether it’s normal. I really don’t know what to think.

Hope you have a good evening

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost the end of the work week. Work went fine for the most part. There are some new people that I’m still trying to get used to. I don’t like the idea of me being a sempai and having to explain a lot of things that I don’t fully understand myself. It makes me realize how little I actually know. The mister in charge of the lab is a meanie. He won’t let us listen to the radio even though you can’t hear it outside of the little room and he turns the temperature to the coldest possible.

Aside from that, I’ve been busy preparing for the trip to visit the boy. I got a lot done in the past few days. Just getting the convention ticket and booking a hotel nearby. We couldn’t get a room at the hotel that the convention is held at. They only had suites left and that was a bit out of our price range so we settled for a place down the street. I got a chance to discuss with the boy our plans for the three days. I want to cram as much into the three days as possible cause technically, it won’t even be 3 days. It’s Friday afternoon, all of Saturday and a tiny bit of Sunday morning. I do wish it would arrive sooner. Time is not moving fast enough right now.

I am dead tired right now. I’ve been waking up before 6am or around 6am thanks to the birdies in the trees nearby stretching their vocal chords. It’s taking its toll on my body. There is so much I want to do, but there doesn’t seem to be enough time or energy.

My long term schedule feels like such a mess right now. I wish my job was part time so then I can go out and play some more. Money is good though. I’m getting paid the same as during the school year, which is a whole dollar more than last summer.

The weather has been really nice recently. It’s warm and when the wind blows against you, it feels really nice. It makes me want to dance in a field when no one’s around to watch. Spinning and spinning and spinning until you fall over.