Once Upon a Time

I should be very happy today. I went to all my classes (even the 8:30 am one), went to work, did my part in a group assignment and I even found a fancy shirt to wear tomorrow (PLAY! concert). The laundry’s tumbling away, my tummy is full on a veggie burger and the house is very quiet.

 Even so, I feel that I’ve driven myself into the corner again. I’ve been looking at career stuff for the past few hours. It’s so depressing. I cannot do anything with my B.Sc. (Biology) and anything that might be worth pursuing would be another 4-5 years of schooling. It’s not worth the time. I really don’t have 4 years to spend on schooling. Money can always be borrowed from the government, even though my parents are totally against it, but time cannot be borrowed like that.

 Ideally, I would like to be in a full time position with in the next 2-3 years. If I can keep that job for around 2-3 years to get some experience, then I can decide whether I want to and whether I’d be able to move permanently to be with the boy.

Of course, life is never simple like that. I really wish I believed people when they said that there’s no future in studying science (unless you’re smart enough to be a doctor/dentist/nurse). 

I know every student has these moments of panic about their future. This is just an example and even if is a little late, I’m working closely with a career counselor to help me. 

This is an exercise that she as assigned to me this week. List all the careers that you’ve considered, including childhood dreams.

1. artist/cartoonist (up until grade 5/6): I admired anime/manga and thought it would be cool. I gave up on that dream when a close friend just picked up art and quickly surpassed me with ease. I actually had art lessons for 3-4 years.
2. Everything from grade 7-end of high school was a blank. My goal in life at that time was to get into high school and then into university.
3. Research and development: It’s less of a career and more of a department, but it generates the idea, ne? My goal back then was to develop new cookies, flavors of ice cream, improve confectionary items, etc. It went down the drain when I decided to take the lab job instead of transferring to Guelph’s food science program. Lots of things have come out of not going to Guelph, but I do regret it to some extent.
4. My own pastry/coffee cosplay cafe: it’s kind of a dream to have my own business and be around things that I love: sweets and anime/manga. It’s not a very practical business around here because we lack the niche required to make it a success.
5. Ultrasound Technician: Don’t know if I actually like it, but it’s practical. Four years, a few exams and bam! You can go start looking for jobs where you have a good chance of getting hired. 

So, what did you want to be when you were a kid? =)

My neighbour has a drum set and I've been keeping the window open all the time for some fresh air. It's as if I have my own personal band, except that I can't choose when they decide to play. I just read the most ridiculous thing on a course forum. There is a TA who is docking marks from our assignments for not using Canadian spelling. The individual also talked about having proper grammar and not using first person, which is very acceptable. (With the way some people write, I wonder how on earth they passed high school English at all, let alone make it to university.)I have never had anyone deduct marks from my paper because I used American spelling instead of British spelling. In my opinion, both forms are correct and acceptable. Of course, individuals may have preferences for one form or the other, but I don't believe it is acceptable to force it onto others. I am rather intersted in whether you support the TA. =)

My brain is going crazy. I feel all these different emotions fighting in my head. I’m in pain cause I’m cramping and I don’t take my meds on time.  I feel sad and lonely. I have this huge urge to go get laid. Every little thing can set me off and tick me off (neighbours talking outside, someone closing the door, the phone ringing). I feel hyper and full of junk food energy.

 

I just want to disappear. Forever and ever.

It’s been a while since school started again. Strangely enough things are actually going pretty well. I’m on top of my classes and assignments right now (the whole three of them, maybe that’s why?). Didn’t think I could do one of the courses I chose for this term so I dropped it and picked up another course next term. If it worries me enough that I lose sleep over it, then it’s probably not worth the effort.

Even so, I’m very restless and worried right now. I’m not quite sure what it is that is bothering me, but I do think it’s mostly me PMS-ing. *sighs*

School is very lonely for me, you know? I don’t know people in my class and because my average class size is still 300 people, it’s rather difficult to meet people. Oh wells.

The leaves are starting to change colours over here. Maybe when it gets more into the season, I’ll take pictures. I live right against the escarpment so we have a giant hill in our backyard, figuratively speaking.

The other day I got the courage and sent an email to the prof about some things I didn’t really understand in class. He replied saying that I had asked an “awesome” question. It made me really happy. That’s never happened to me before since I’m usually the person who asks stupid questions.

I have an 8:30 class tomorrow followed by a whole day of work so I’m off to bed. Goodnight. Rest well, everyone.

I can’t believe that it is September 5^th already. It’s just absolutely absurd how 4 months have already passed and another school year is about to begin. If you ask me, this summer has definitely been the most eventful summer ever. I’ve never spent so much time with friends and going to so many different places.

Most of May was spent sewing and cutting up materials for our cosplay, which lead to Anime North itself at the end of the month. Our group cosplay was a major success and we got recognized by a lot of people. I discovered that deep down inside my camera shyness, there is another side to me that’s a camera whore. *laughs*

The next two weeks were spent recovering and relaxing before heading to Dallas to meet the boy for the weekend. It was the first time I’ve been on vacation with just my friends. The trip was great, the hotel was really nice and the people were great, even with their funny accents.

For a few weeks in July, I went to the theatre every week because I had nothing better to do. During that time, I had watched more movies than I had in many years. I also saw a whole bunch of people from high school. The same people, but everyone had a different feel to them. The way they dressed and carried themselves really reflected the changes that have gone on in the four years after high school.

The summer ended with going to the CNE one evening followed by a third convention a week or so later. This convention, Fan Expo, was alright but not as good as the first two at the beginning of summer.

School starts on Tuesday. It’s very scary because I don’t know how much I’ve changed over the summer. Have I changed enough that when I get stressed, I won’t crash and isolate myself? Am I going to be able to decide whether I want to do a second degree?