I’ve done more walking in the past two days than I have for the past week. The strange thing is that I was wearing running shoes the whole time, but my lower back is killing me right now whenever I try to move it. And it hurt before I slept on the lumpy soft bed last night. I must have slept with my mouth open at one point last night for an extended period of time, my throat was really soar this morning. It’s much better now so hopefully I won’t have to pay a visit to the doc on campus.

My allergies have come back in full blast. Life is very painful every now and then.

So I spent my weekend in downtown Toronto meeting up with friends and working on our costumes for Anime North. Before that I actually met a friend from high school, I could not recognize her at our waiting spot so we both just stood there for the longest time. I felt really horrible about that. My hs friend and I both went to a place called Rice Bar (http://www.ricebar.ca" title="http://www.ricebar.ca" target="_blank"http://www.ricebar.ca). Holy cow it’s an ugly website. I’m disappointed considering how the food was absolutely wonderful. Due to my Chinese background, I grew up eating Jasmine rice nearly everyday for at least dinner (sometimes for other meals too). It is very difficult for me to eat what we call “American rice” that’s not as sticky and soft. On Rice Bar’s menu, they have a choice of infused rice, brown rice, jasmine rice or rice noodles. The infused rice yesterday was a black rice with some Ethopian spice infused into it. It sounded really disgusting at first, but I felt like being adventurous and ordered it. It was absolutely AMAZING. I cannot believe the changes the cooking method and seasoning can create. Anyone who happens to be around the Kensington Market area must visit the place.

I spent the rest of the day and today helping out with our costume making for the anime conventions we’re going to this summer. The most memorable moment was when we decided to play some anime while working on our costumes. So we were cutting out patterns and what not for our Kujibiki Unbalance costumes while watching the show on the laptop and singing along to the opening song. It was a funny moment.

I stayed overnight at my friend’s house and today we worked on the costume some more with figuring out how to modify the patterns for the blazer so it matches what the characters wear. Then we went out to buy even more material that we needed = more walking. *laughs* On the way, we talked about going to A-kon as a way for me to meet up with the boy. They needed to hand in their passport applications while hotel and travel plans need to be executed. There happened to be flight agency nearby, we walked in and…bought tickets. It was not planned, but it’s done. Paid in full and everything. Three plane tickets to Dallas for a weekend.  I AM GOING. While the lady helping us was printing off our tickets, I broke down a little. It scared me how much money I just had my friend spend to go on a trip with me. It scared me how easily I just paid for it. When I walked out that door, I was in disbelief and just…off. The feelings of insecurity, worry and everything negative just flooded my mind. I should have been extremely happy because I will meet the boy in person. I’m really looking forward to being able to hug him. It’s something simple, even stupid in some people’s opinion. Yet do you understand how hard it is when you’re having a bad day and all you want is someone close to you and comfort you with a hug….but you can’t have it?

So why is it that when I’m looking at the flight ticket, I don’t feel happy at all? Only fear. I’m not scared of the boy. I’m scared of what will or will not happen. There is so much at stake and nothing can predict the outcome.

I really want to talk to him right now, but he’s not around. I left him a message so I hope he gets back to me soon. I don’t know how I’m going to work if I’m like this tomorrow. I already almost broke my keyboard tonight by smacking it. My poor keyboard and mouse.

I hope you have a wonderful evening.